Never in 42 years

Funny....Today I wasn't feeling to well,( it stems from not doing great last night) so Penny stayed home with me today. I happend to hear my neighbor Sal outside mowing his lawn, as I lay in my bed stretching and yawning. Usually it's a race with Sal and I. Sal is in his 70's, and does FANTASTIC gardening. But when it comes to mowing, move over ole' man, BARB'S gonna clean your clock!

One of those beautiful song birds outside my window must have spread the word to Sal that I wasn't feeling to good....and with that tidbit of information SAL Went into his garage and started up ole' Bessie....The Honda Mower.
I just laid there defenseless in my bed, knowing now, the truth. SAL was going to win this round, and be the 1st mow of this season.

Then I heard it.....

VVVVVVRRROOOOOOM.

This sound was the NEW neighbor on the other side of us named BILL....Now BILL was getting into it, and he started HIS machine, known only as "THE GRASS CHOPPER". Bill had put a John Deere Motor, and accessories on his lawn mower, and watched to many damn Orange County Chopper episodes. (he's retired, had the time!)

THIS WAS WAR!

I knew right there and then what had to be done. I had to bring out the BIG GUNS.


I had to wake up PENNY. I explained to my beautiful wife that both neighbors were bringing it on, and we had to do something about it. Penny agreed, with some hesitation. I wondered why she was holding back. Turns out Penny has NEVER IN HER 42 YEARS OF LIVING EVER, EVER MOWED A LAWN!






I pleaded....I begged. To save the Del Piano name you MUST GO....YOU MUST shed some estregen on this testosteronie neighborhood! So there she was. Penny in the garage with our "RED BULLET". How do I start it? Can you start it for me? (The guys were so far ahead at this point could we ever catch up???) I STARTED OUR RED BULLET AND MY PENNY WAS OFF!!

(With a bit of a shaky start....)

Then she really got into it! I was so proud UNTIL....

She hit the wall with an ANIMAL BREAK AT OUR FRONT WINDOW!

She just couldn't part from the little bastids!

I knew in order to WIN THIS I had to steer Penny back on track! I promised her new shoes and a new scrunchie for her hair! THEN BAM! SHE WAS BACK ON TRACK

NOT ONLY DID WE WIN THE NEIGHBORHOOD LAWN MOWER WARS, BUT PENNY HAD SO MUCH TIME TO SPARE THAT SHE DECIDED TO SWEEP AWAY THE COMPETITION!