One,Two Three Wacky Weed!

Last year I had one helluva time. With my weed wacker. Penny let me choose ANY weed wacker I wanted. So we went to Home Depot, and I got a nice 2 cycle engine wacker. I took it out of the box with pride. Our new home, new mower....now NEW weed wacker. I was in Heaven.

I did the gas to oil ratio,primed her up....and we kind of had a "ROUGH START". I set the choke, I gripped the handle, I pulled the cord. NUTTIN. So I did this again....and again....and again.... then BAM! She purred like a Kitten, I started to weed wack for a whole 12 minutes, the I heard fllppahhh, fllppahhh, fllppahhh. Then silence. So, I set the choke, I gripped the handle, I pulled the cord. Nuttin....So I did this again....and again....and SOB, she started, and sounded GREAT! I CONTINUED TO WEED WACK WITH pride,showing the neighborhood that YES! A woman can work lawn tools, I don't need no stinkin' man!

Then as I raise my chin, stuck out my double dd's.... I hear fllppahhh,flppahhh,fllppahh. Then Silence. My 73 year old Neighbor Sal came over, and said, "You Need Help Young Lady". I quipped back "NO!" I'm fine! Then I disappeared into my garage, put down the garage door, and SCREAMED! "DAMN IT! THIS IS A BRAND NEW MACHINE WORK OR I'll SMASH YOU UP AGAINST THE WALL! *^%&^%*%&^%&^-#&%*^*"

So I decided to put it down, and STEP AWAY from the machine. I let a week go by, and went outside to mow the lawn again. The lawn came out beautiful! But those damn weeds up against the house bothered the crap out of me. So, this is what I would like to call ROUND #2. I primed her up, set the choke,held the handle,pulled the cord and Nothing. So I repeated this 4 times, or until my freaking shoulder POPPED out of its socket, and sweat was rolling down my face, and my ANGER WAS PEAKING AND........

at that moment my neighbor "Corky" came over laughing. "You got a problem there?" he asked. I sneared at him through my squinty eyes, held my weed wacker up and yelled "CATCH"! He caught it, I said "Merry Christmas from me Corky, take that damn thing, melt it down and use it as a door stop!"

Enter the "HAND HELD WEED TRIMMER" Penny bought me. I used this all last season, getting down on my hands and knees, cutting the weeds & overgrown grass up against the house, front stoop, and chain link fence. MY BODY WAS KILLING ME, but it finished out the 2007 season. I was actually looking forward to WINTER!

Enter this 2008 season. Penny asks me the other night, "Honey, would you like to get a new weed wacker?" My insides shuttered. But my testosterone was rising...."YES" I answered. So onto LOWES we went. I got a brand new gas powered weed wacker.

I took it out of the box. I was leary. I stared at it for about 10 minutes, until Penny said, "would you mind if I WAS THE FIRST TO USE IT?" My whole dimeaner changed. Suddenly I was a happy person again. So, I put in the gas to oil ratio, and said HERE PENNY.

I watched her prime it. Set the choke, Hold the handle,and pull the cord....and pull the cord....and pull the cord....and pull the cord. Then again she went through the cycle again. SET THE CHOKE, HOLD THE FRIGGIN' HANDLE,PULL THE DAMN CORD....PULL,PULL,PULL. I watched as my beautiful wife sweat,ran out of breath, and turned a purplish color.

"HELP ME!" She said seductively, well in a tone I don't know if I've ever heard before. "YOU PULL, I CAN'T ANYMORE". So here we both are with our new EASY PULL weed wacker. Poised on the front lawn standing one in back of the other. She holds, I pull. I pull. I pull. I hold. She pulls. It starts! it craps out 5 minutes later. She says some choice words. She holds, I pull, it starts! It dies 10 minutes later.

Penny marches into the garage says something in a language I've often heard at truck stops, and throws the weed wacker back in the box, thows the box in the car, and says "ARE YOU COMING?"

Wish us luck. Below you will see OUR NEW "ELECTRIC" weed wacker,and to be safe we purchased 200 feet of cord!