WHERE'S DAD?

Okay.... ENOUGH!!

It started last Wednesday.
I found a home for the fire belly frogs.
I wanted them gone asap.
because I knew they needed
someone better than me
to love and care for them.
I had committed the Dumpy's to a family already,
and the Fire Belly's were last to go.

I wrote to an animal rescue,
and a man named Brian replied back to me.
I told him that I am usually up late,
so he could come by later if need be to pick them up.

.....OK..... I left the computer to do the dishes.
THE SINK WOULDN'T DRAIN. There was a clog.
Penny and I took 2 plungers,
and worked on the double sink, to NO AVAIL.
At 11:30pm I get an email back from Brian
asking if he could come by NOW.
So, Brian shows up at Midnight to pick up his new fire belly frogs.
While he was here,
I asked him if he knew anything about PLUMMING!
So Brian went into our shit hole of a kitchen
(by then, everything from Under the sink was strewn across the floor, dirty dishes lie across the counter tops....)

Brian takes our kitchen "snake" and wiggles it down the pipe.
Then he runs the water, then he plunges,
then he takes apart the plumbing under the sink.

The whole time, he is talking, which is fine....
But....

Penny and I learned that:

1. Someone drove him to our home to pick up the frogs, which was fine, but the poor girl was waiting in the car.

2. The girl that drove him was his Girlfriend, which was fine, but he had a wife as well. All 3 lived together, and were a TRI-COUPLE.

3. We got to hear words that were disgusting, Graphic details abo ut what his girlfriend does to him....

Meanwhile, the water begins to drain OUT of the double sinks The plumbing underneath is leaking all over the floor, flooding our kitchen. He then gets beeped by the woman waiting for him in the car.... He goes outside, he comes back in, the woman winds up getting FED UP AND LEAVING HIM AT OUR HOUSE. To make a LONG STORY short, we drove him home at 2 am, got lost on the way back, and went to bed about 4 am.

THURSDAY COMES:
The alarm goes off, and we lay there until 12:15 pm.
The woman from the "Chasing Happiness" film
was due to come over at 1 pm.
The sink was drained, but still leaked underneath.
The dishes were still strewned all over the counter tops.
The house looked like a BOMB WENT OFF!

I took a shower, lit the candles in the Jungle Room,
and the doorbell rang. Ellen was 10 minutes early....
We filmed, I changed into my Elvis gear,
and broke the zipper to my Black Comet suit,
Put on my red suit, and sang "It's Now Or Never"

Ellen left, and then the family came
to pick up the Dumpy frogs.

FRIDAY COMES:
Penny and I go to the Doctor,
Then we take Minnie Mae to the vet to get her Rabies shot.
I take Penny to work.

I get gas for the van....
I head to that guy Brian's house to pick up a 50 gallon tank
that Brian had promised to give me the night
he was helping with the clogged sink.
I pull into his driveway, and MY VAN DIES.

I figure its just a wire, Brian and I fix it, I go home.

While home, I get under the sink, take crap apart
and try to fix it again. I found ANOTHER LEAK....

I had gone to Lowes earlier and got
a new gasket for the piping, and sealant.
I put everything back together, sealed it
and PRAYED!

The sealant WORKED!
I had cleaned the whole kitchen
I cleaned the house, and did the floors.

Now all I had to do was pick up Penny.
I grab Minnie Mae, and we head out in the van
Penny got out at Midnight, and I left at 11:50 pm.

The van DIES in the middle of the road about 2 blocks away.
I get out, and stick my noggin' under the hood, feel for the wire.
I can't see SHIT! It's dark, no one is around.
I finally realize that I have my jump box in the van!
I get that, prop it up in the engine and shine the little light
into the direction I need it.
I get a call on my cell from Penny, I tell her I had a little
Problem, but I AM ON MY WAY!

The van starts....I go.

I come up to the intersection.
The arrow turns green.
THE VAN DIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TURN.

There I am at midnight, Head stuck under the hood,
Hands full of black grease, some jackass' blowing their horns at me
and I begin to retrospect....

My Dad. Dad fixed the cars.
Dad walked to the nearest gas station while we waited in the car.
Dad fixed the pipes. Dad got things running again.
Dad unclogged things. Dad was the jack of all trades that was
always there to fix it, or carry the burden of it for us.

Now I laugh as my hands are filled with grease,
and I am twisting wires.
AND PRAYING, DON'T FORGET PRAYING!!
A large black man pushing a grocery cart
shouts to me, "AIN'T NOBODY GONNA HEP YA".
Again I keep laughing.
"ONLY IN AMERICA" he continues, and then passes.

I get another call on my cell from Penny.
It's now 12:30 am. I tell her to sit tight.
Finally, I GET THE VAN GOING, and pick up
my dear Penny at 1 am.

Now I know how my dad felt.

-Barb