The Day The Friendship Died.....

I have always been honest with myself, the people I meet, and get close with. I always try to be as fourth coming as I can, as loving as I can, as supportive as I can.

I cannot imagine hurting someone close to me, yes, it has happend, and I have owned up to it. I have torn myself up inside thinking of how "I" effects the people in my life.

I lost the best friend I ever had yesterday. After a 25 year friendship it is now over. We have had our lumps before....but somehow we got through them.

Our friendship wasn't perfect. We had to learn to become "long distance" friends, sending audio tapes back and fourth, and updating each other on our latest news.

The hard part was seeing each other again, and noticing the changes, the growing up we had done, and literally becoming friends all over again.

I thought we just got into a good swing. When she came to visit she stayed in a hotel. That way we wouldn't get on each others nerves by being together 24/7.

I thought it worked well. The last time I saw her, was a nice trip, a learning experience, an end. I thought we got along really well, she smoked my cigarettes, we tried to help a mutual friend together....we talked.

I did things I would ONLY do for a good friend. I went to strangers homes to locate a guy, I put up with someone I let go of years ago. I did this for her. My best friend.

I never "faked" who I was. My personality is what it is. The only thing about me that I held back was my happiness. I feel to laid back. I was never completely happy.

I am sorry my friend if I hurt you. I NEVER lied to you. I always told you who I was, and now that I am taking the steps to bring that person out, I wish you were here for the ride. I wish you were here to really know me. I am sorry you feel it is NOT worth your while.

I am sorry you feel you must explain or label me upon introductions. I am sorry I wasn't the kind of friend I should have been, a friend that you would keep for life.

I never lost a friend that I loved.
I never confided so much in one person before.
I am completely Devastated that your gone.
I've cried, I will cry more, and I will also pray that whatever hurt I caused you will soon leave you for happiness in its place.

Your Former Best Friend.